


Suzie, that Motherfucking Demonic Beastly Animal

by AngeNoir



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Pets, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-17
Updated: 2015-12-17
Packaged: 2018-05-07 07:09:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5447732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngeNoir/pseuds/AngeNoir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony did not ask to be a parent, especially not to a motherfucking demonic beastly <em>animal</em>.</p><p>The rest of the Avengers are sympathetic. Steve, the ass, doesn't even <em>notice</em>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Suzie, that Motherfucking Demonic Beastly Animal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anassa_anemou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anassa_anemou/gifts).



> I hope this is close to what you want!

“I didn’t _ask_ for this to happen!” Steve snapped.

It was the snapping bit that made Tony bite his tongue. He got it – shit happened _all the fucking time_ – but it didn’t make it any easier to deal with the fact that Steve, Thor, and Clint had gone on some Asgardian mission and had come back with a stowaway.

It just sucked because that stowaway was a _direwolf pup_ and was firmly convinced that Steve was his mother.

The pup – Thor had assured Tony it was just a pup now, only that wasn’t fucking reassuring at all since it was already taller than Tony’s knees and had teeth that could (and did) shred the leather couch that had stood up to _Hulk_. Well, Hulk sitting on it, but finding a good couch that was both comfortable and Hulk-ass worthy…

( _“It probably smells like prey, if it was leather—”_

_“Steve, it wasn’t real leather, jesus, what the hell do you take me for—”_

_“I’ll replace it, I’m sorry—”_

_Only Steve was giving Tony those puppy eyes that Tony couldn’t resist, and he ended up dropping the whole matter._ )

But this fucking dog-wolf-demon was fiercely territorial of Steve. It snapped at Natasha – who had gripped its muzzle firmly and squeezed hard enough to make it whimper – bayed in its deep, gruff voice at Clint and Bruce – scaring the bejeezus out of Bruce and prompting to a Hulk-out – and flat out refused to let Thor or Tony be in the same room as Steve without putting itself between them and his designated caretaker. And woe betide anyone suggesting Thor manhandle it back to Asgard and leave it there; apparently, the reason it was so dead-set on Steve was because its family was killed by hunters or poachers (Tony had never gotten a clear or satisfactory answer on that, actually) and Steve had given it food and petted it and basically made himself be the ultimate mommy. Therefore, Steve argued with those pathetic blue eyes, Steve couldn’t just _abandon_ it.

But damn if it wasn’t the smuggest motherfucker in this entire tower. It _knew_ , Tony would swear it, when he and Steve were about to do something that would be fun and sexy and showed up, whining and whimpering, and there Steve would go to fulfill his new duties as parent.

It was a kid Tony had never signed up for, wanted, or enjoyed. He didn’t know what the hell to do, other than glare at it and invest in some kind of soundproofing that would keep Steve’s super-ears from hearing the damned animal.

Of course, Steve couldn’t understand why no one else liked the creature. To be fair, he and Bucky could interact with it without any repercussions whatsoever. It enjoyed running back and forth between them, it could keep up with them on their daily runs, and especially enjoyed gnawing on Bucky’s metal arm.

“It’s been almost two full weeks,” Tony grumbled at the breakfast table, nose buried in his mug as he glared in the vague direction of the gym. “My dick has not even gotten _near_ Steve’s ass.”

“I don’t need to hear about your dick or Steve’s ass,” Natasha replied dryly.

Tony turned his look towards to her, disgruntled. “I was here first, bud. You wanna have a quiet breakfast, wake up with Steve and that demon.”

“If you think they’re quiet, Tony,” Natasha said in amusement, “I think perhaps you do not fully understand the chaos that they make of the kitchen every morning.”

Bucky slouched his way into the kitchen – he, like Tony, was not a morning person and vehemently refused to be up any earlier than nine in the morning, while Steve was easily up by five-thirty every morning, ready and raring to go. He gave Tony a disdainful look – he and Tony had a love/hate relationship, where either they loved each other or hated each other – and stalked out. Natasha watched him go, eyes on his ass, and Tony mourned his lost intimacy with Steve.

Tony even missed the early morning sex, which was ridiculous when you thought about it and how much Tony hated waking up early. But it didn’t matter! Now there was none, because that damned beast ended up on the bed, in the room, or even _not_ in the room but Steve sleeping with _it_ in the living room. Now, Tony stumbled to wake at eight and hated every lonely moment of it.

“Tell him it’s a problem,” Natasha offered once Bucky disappeared from the hallway altogether.

“It’s funny that you think I haven’t,” Tony grumbled. “I _actually_ have good communication for once. Steve thinks once the fucking hairball is older it’ll be better with separation, but I know better. That creature was sent from the depths of hell to prevent me from ever getting near that tight ass again.”

“Seriously, enough about Steve’s ass,” Natasha repeated.

Draining the last bit from his cup, Tony slumped forward onto the table, head buried in his folded arms. “Don’t lie, you stare at it too. It’s like… a fucking national treasure. I should insure it.”

“I have eyes, Stark,” Natasha said primly. “That doesn’t mean I need to hear about your sexual desires in regards to Steve’s body. He still goes on missions with me, after all, and I need to look at him without imagining you naked.”

It wasn’t in him to pass it up; his features twisted a little into a leer that was empty of any real intent and he said coyly, “Whatever you’re imagining, I’m sure I’m ten times better.”

“Ten times zero is still zero,” she chuckled, standing up and pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Just wait. Steve will get over this obsession. Remember how he was when he discovered Clint’s PS3 and Katamari Damacy.”

“You cut me to the quick, Romanova,” Tony mumbled, but he took comfort in her words. Steve _did_ tend to get single-minded about things until he reined it back in to a manageable, non-life-consuming hobby.

***

A week later, he no longer trusted Natasha’s word and sat moodily in the middle of the (new) couch, flipping through channels disinterestedly.

“Wow, Stark, you sure look down.”

The words didn’t even make him move. Instead, he let out a petulant sigh. He was in the mood for a good whine, especially since he’d managed to not only upgrade the team’s communication system, but overhaul the Quinjet, complete Mark 38, and order a new set of exercise machines since that goddammned animal had decided to play fetch with pieces of machinery while Steve worked out on the punching bag, and Steve hadn’t noticed the thing was bringing him _actual hunks of cushion and weights_ until the demon had made its way through half of the available machines.

“Deep sigh, apathetic clicking through channels, untouched beer, and shoulders slumped. Can you get any more stereotypical?” Clint asked, hopping over the back of the couch and perching on it, feet planted on the cushion and ass balanced on the back.

“Look, leave me to wallow in my misery,” Tony grumbled. “Sure beats wallowing in my bedroom by myself. And I’ve already wallowed in my workshop.”

Clint hesitated. “Does this have to do with Suzie?”

Tony refused to say the beast’s name. “It has to do with the fact that it _knows what it’s doing_. It is a _highly intelligent animal_. It looks at me and smirks, I swear.”

With a careless shrug, Clint absently nudged Tony with his toe, in a solidarity-type way. “The thing hates me too, if it helps any,” he said casually. “No need to get upset about it.”

“I don’t _care_ ,” Tony growled, biting each word out with careful enunciation, “if it hates me. I know that I hate _it_. It fucking knows when I want to suck Steve’s dick and starts howling _right then_. And don’t even get me started on what happens every time Steve starts giving me a fucking handjob.”

“Too much info! Dammit, Stark, I do not need to think about you or our fearless leader in that way!” Clint yelped, nearly falling off the back of the couch and onto the floor.

“As if,” Tony snorted. “Hell, I’ve walked in on you and Coulson in way worse positions.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t _volunteer_ that information!” Clint replied huffily.

They sat together in silence for a few more minutes before Clint sighed and awkwardly patted Tony – he had hang-ups about physical intimacy and tactile interactions in general, and often went out of his way to avoid physically brushing against people or casually touching in the way Tony did easily. The fact that Clint was trying something so far out of his comfort zone both touched Tony and alarmed him. Touched, because Clint was trying to make him feel better in a way Tony preferred. Alarmed, because if _Clint_ felt like Tony need reassurance, there was definitely a problem between him and Steve.

He let out another sigh and went back to feeling sorry for himself as he flipped through another thirty channels.

***

“You look down.”

Tony jerked his head up and frowned at Pepper. “What’s up?”

“Not you,” she remarked, lifting an eyebrow at him. She held a stack of papers in her hand, and he blinked at it. If she was bringing him papers to sign and was in his workshop, it meant it was a Thursday. Which… he honestly didn’t remember any of Wednesday. He reached up to run fingers through his hair and nearly brained himself with the wrench in his hand. He stared at it a moment and then carefully put it on the workshop bench. He was just aware enough that he was overtired and was unable to really handle machinery, but his reactions were slowed and so he ended up staring at Pepper a moment longer than he probably should have.

Her small smile tilted down to a frown. “Tony, are you okay?”

“Tired, Pep,” he said, sighing. “Been working a while.”

She looked around, and he was starting to notice the amount of coffee cups scattered about the workbench, the bits of machinery that had piled up like so much debris as he’d feverishly worked on his project. Realizing there was no good way to explain away the mess, he rubbed the back of his neck and tried to hide the wince of pain from the stiffness in his limbs.

Her eyes narrowed, and she zeroed in on him for another minute before shaking her head. “JARVIS, don’t let Dum-E bother this stack of papers, and make sure Tony reads and signs them.”

“Of course, Ms. Potts,” JARVIS said courteously.

“What?” Tony said, frowning. “Why wouldn’t I just sign them now?”

“Because you are in no state to read any kind of legalese. You are going to bed. Come on. Up. When was the last time you showered?”

Her gentle but effective pulling and tugging had him stumbling to his feet, trying to grasp at straws. “I’m – I don’t want to go to bed.”

“Tough,” Pepper said unrepentantly. “Bed. Come on. I was serious about the shower question.”

He shook his head dazedly. “I – I don’t know. Monday? I think? It’s Thursday, right? And Tuesday was the board meeting?”

“Have you been down in your workshop since Tuesday afternoon?” Pepper asked, ushering him into the small lift that would carry him up to his quarters, bypassing the common room.

He squinted at nothing, trying to place the events he remembered in chronological order. “I wanted to – I wanted to work on the arrows. The – the boomerang ones. Aerodynamically impossible, you know.”

“I could guess,” she muttered, nudging him out of the elevator and tugging at his clothes until he reluctantly began helping her undo his buttons and push his jeans down his hips. “So if they’re impossible, why were you doing it?”

“The actual _boomerang_ part is impossible. The concept behind boomerang is entirely possible,” he grunted distractedly. “I can undo my own shoelaces, thanks.”

“I highly doubt it. Come on, step out. One foot, then the other. Lean on my shoulder if you have to.”

Somehow, she shoved and herded and juggled him to the edge of his bed. “You really ought to shower,” she sighed. “But I suppose sleep is far more important. I thought Steve was around to stop these kinds of fits you get.”

Tony snorted and rolled onto his side, putting his back to Pepper and tugging the pillow that smelled like Steve against his chest. “Steve’s busy,” he grumbled. “Always busy.”

“Mmm,” Pepper hummed, running fingers through his hair. “You’ll find a way to talk to him, I’m sure.”

“Don’ wanna talk,” he yawned, and that was pretty much lights out for him.

***

Brushing his teeth the next morning, JARVIS chimed softly to tell him he had an important phone call. Considering that could be anyone from Clint begging him to show off the new arrows to Fury demanding some update or the other to the delivery person from his favorite restaurant, it being ‘important’ could be questionable.

Then again, JARVIS only sent phone calls into the bathroom unless there was good reason. With a sigh, he spit out the toothpaste and made a ‘continue’ gesture with his hand.

A small screen set near the light switch blinked on to show Rhodey. Immediately, Tony felt ten times better than he had even when taking a shower, and he wiggled a little – still combing his hair – as he called out, “Hey, sugarplum, I guess you miss me, huh?”

“Pepper says you’re not doing well,” Rhodey said with little formality.

Tony froze, a huge tell that of course Rhodey picked up on immediately, because then Rhodey was pointing a finger at the screen. “What’s going on? She said something about Steve, and I know he’s Captain America but he doesn’t get to shove you around or treat you badly—”

“It’s nothing, Rhodey, sweetie, gumdrop, pudding. Nothing at all, don’t you worry, I’ll have it all straightened out soon enough. You know me, I love a good sulk, yeah?”

“You said there was nothing, and now there’s something you have to straighten out and that has you sulking?!” Rhodey demanded, and Tony fought back his wince.

“Look, it’s just something I need to… figure out. That’s it,” Tony tried again.

Rhodey glanced around the screen and frowned. “Did you answer my call in the bathroom again? Tony, we’ve talked about what’s acceptable—” He cut himself off and stared, very hard, at Tony. Then, he nodded decisively. “I’m coming to the tower.”

“That is _highly unnecessary_ —” Tony began aggressively.

“Give me a day or two to clear it, and I’ll be there. I’m useless sitting here on my ass anyway while the brass figures out how to combat test War Machine without harming it or their fighter jets,” Rhodey continued as if Tony hadn’t said anything at all.

“Rhodey!”

Rhodey paused, looking at Tony straight on.

“I’m fine, okay?” Tony said tiredly. “Steve has a new pet and it hates me, only he believes it doesn’t. That’s it. That’s not worth – jumping on your horse and riding to save the damsel in distress. I’m fine. He’s not treating me badly, he’s not even being cruel. I just don’t enjoy being around the beast and he loves it. That’s all.”

Those dark brown eyes held Tony’s for a very long period of time before Rhodey blew out a deep breath and sighed. “I really can get off and come visit, you know. Even if it’s not to kick Captain America’s ass.”

Tony smiled, and it felt good to smile. “I know,” he said kindly. “But this isn’t an emergency. It’s just a problem I haven’t been able to tackle yet. You know how I am with problems.”

Slowly, Rhodey nodded. “Okay, Tony,” he grunted. “I’ll believe that – for now. But I’ll be calling in a few days and if you still look this tired and run-down, no amount of platitudes will calm me down. Just tell the man his pet is a demon.”

Oh, if only it was that easy.

***

“You okay, Tony?”

“You know,” Tony muttered from where he was pouring over the lab reports, “I’m getting pretty sick of people saying that to me.”

Bruce chuckled. “We wouldn’t be saying it if you didn’t look like you hadn’t slept for a week.”

With a groan, Tony leaned back from the report and rubbed at his stiff neck. “Just trouble sleeping, that’s all.”

“Steve still keeping that wolf company?” Bruce remarked dryly.

“The damned thing is _intelligent_ and _deliberately sabotaging my relationship_ ,” Tony said with feeling.

“While I may agree with you—” Bruce began.

Tony, however, stopped listening past the words ‘agree with you.’ “You agree with me? You realize this thing is deliberately cockblocking me? Then why the _hell_ can’t Steve see it?!” he demanded with a squeak.

Bruce got that look on his face, the one that said Tony was being unreasonable and he had to calm Tony down. “Look, Tony, the dog is a—”

“ _Beast_ ,” Tony grumbled with extreme vehemence.

As if Tony hadn’t interrupted, Bruce continued, “—an annoyance. It doesn’t trust me – I think it can smell Hulk in me. It also doesn’t trust Thor, though whether it is also reacting to a powerful warrior and therefore a threat against its chosen packmate or whether it just dislikes Asgardians, I don’t know. But if it’s going after you, chances are it’s trying to compete for Steve’s attention.”

Slumping in a chair, Tony rested his head in his hands. “And the damned thing is _winning_.”

“Tony,” Bruce said, and the faintly amused and slightly concerned tone pricked Tony enough to make him look up at Bruce’s face. “Are you telling me you are actually going to try to compete with an animal for something? Instead of dealing with it like a rational, logical adult, let alone a human being?”

Tony opened his mouth and then closed it. “You’re making fun of me,” he said finally.

Heaving a sigh, Bruce turned back to his work. “No, Tony. I understand your frustration, to some degree. But I think you haven’t tried talking to him.”

“Why does _everyone_ think that?” Tony grunted.

“Let’s be fair, Tony; you don’t have a – a stellar track record with communication.”

That was – okay, probably fair, but still, Tony had been working on that. He had told Steve multiple times that he didn’t want the creature around. He’d… okay, maybe Steve had dismissed his talking as something other than talking? Maybe he thought it was – whining or something. Maybe Steve thought Tony was just being dramatic.

And, to be fair, it was a ridiculous problem to have. The _thing_ was keeping them apart. It was a beast and Tony was, as Bruce pointed out, a thinking human being. He should be able to explain his anger or distaste without being intimidated by the beast.

“Motherfucking _Suzie_ ,” he hissed under his breath.

“See? You can say her name. And you weren’t even struck by lightning,” Bruce teased.

“I do not appreciate this level of disrespect in my own house,” Tony snipped.

***

“Thor, bud, have you seen Steve around anywhere?”

“Aye, he and James are still out on their run,” Thor said, looking up from the magazine in his hand, leaning back from the kitchen table. “They should be back soon.”

Tony rubbed his eyes and blinked at the clock over the stove before plopping down in a seat next to Thor. “Huh,” he muttered, feeling like his eyes were too sore. The clock read eight in the morning, which was weird because he had thought… Well. Obviously his practicing in front of a mirror had gone on much, much longer than he expected. He was still in just his tank and sleeping pants, feet bare against the cold floor. He’d talked himself practically hoarse, wandered around the workshop, drank more coffee, and practiced again.

But maybe now he’d be prepared.

Yeah. He’d be prepared.

It helped that he knew he had everyone rooting for him. Natasha, Clint, and Rhodey all had his back, understanding how down he’d been and how much this thing—

No. He’d told himself he’d be understanding, that he wouldn’t put Steve off by refusing to interact with the – with Suzie.

\--anyway. Those three knew exactly how frustrated he was. Pepper and Bruce were kicking his ass forward so he’d actually deal with it. And Thor—

Well, Thor hadn’t actually said anything one way or the other. And Tony wasn’t even thinking about Sam or James, since they were both on Steve’s side and spent most of their time away from Tony, so their opinion didn’t count.

Okay, it counted but—

Tony shook his head hard. No, he needed to focus. He was going to talk to Steve and lay out his issues in a calm and rational manner and explain what his concerns were.

“Tony, are you well?”

Thor’s voice startled Tony, and he jerked his head up, blinking at the broad shoulders and concerned blue eyes. “Huh?”

Thor put a hand out to gently rest on Tony’s shoulder. “You seem unwell. It appears you have not been sleeping.”

“I’m just – I need to talk to Steve. I think I’ve been going about this wrong. I just want to talk to him. Without the – without Suzie. Hey, do you think you could, like, help with that?” Tony asked, turning fully to face Thor.

“Help?” Thor repeated, confused.

Tony shrugged. “Like, you know. I need to be able to speak to Steve without, um, without Suzie getting upset.”

Thor stared at him a long moment before reaching out and curling arms around Tony’s shoulders. Tony felt the warmth soak into his shoulders and back, and for a moment he leaned his head against Thor’s arm, taking comfort from Thor’s cuddle. Then, the elevator dinged, and he sat up, rolling his neck.

Steve and James clattered into the kitchen, that humongous dog bouncing around their feet, panting and yipping excitedly. When they entered the kitchen, they stopped, and the – and _Suzie’s_ hackles started to stand on end.

“Tony?” Steve said, confused.

“This oughta be good,” James grunted, moving to the fridge and pulling out the orange juice carton.

Tony smiled, and even he slowly realized it was slightly manic. “Hey, Steve! It’s – wow, it’s been a while.”

“Yeah,” Steve said, voice fond. “I’ve missed you, you know? I think Suze is getting big enough to sleep on her own, you know?”

“About that,” Tony said, a little cautious. “You know – you I don’t mind Suzie, right?”

Steve laughed a little, moving to the fridge and grabbing one of the liter bottles of water. “That – I mean, that might be a bit of an exaggeration. You really seem to be bothered by her.”

“Yes, well – I mean, I’ve missed you, you know?” Tony tried awkwardly. “And – you know, I had this planned out a lot better in my head.”

“Oh, but you were doing so well,” James drawled.

Tony deliberately put him out of his mind and instead cleared his throat. “I – you know I love you, Steve. And I completely get that, you know, that Suzie needs a home. But I feel that she’s – she’s old enough now, right? She’s really protective, if you haven’t noticed, and she… doesn’t seem to like me? I mean, that’s her prerogative, of course, she’s more used to you than to me, but I would, I’d like you to come back to bed with me, you know? I’d like to have you around. I’d like to wake up with you again. I miss talking to you.”

Thor had shifted away from Tony, so he was by himself sitting there, trying not to stammer or trip over his words. Steve was standing there, Suzie at his hip, watching Tony as if Tony was doing something incredibly strange.

“I know – I know I’ve been saying that I’ve been having problems with Suzie, and I can maybe understand why you would think that it was just whining? Like, it wasn’t something you’d have to take seriously. But it really feels like you’re choosing her over me and while I get that a new pet needs time and attention, you can’t just – ignore me, you know? So I’d really like if we could maybe figure out a way where you could have time for me and for her.”

Slowly, as if trying not to spook Tony, Steve kneeled down, putting himself on his knees in front of Tony’s chair, even as Suzie continued to growl suspiciously. “You silly man,” Steve murmured. “Of course I’ll make time for you. I didn’t realize – I’m sorry I didn’t realize you felt that way.” Gently, he pulled Tony out of the chair and gathered him into his arms, hugging him tightly. “You look very tired.”

“I’ve – yeah, I don’t sleep well. Without you,” Tony admitted in a very quiet whisper.

Pressing a kiss to Tony’s forehead, Steve whispered back, “I don’t sleep well without you, either.”

Then, before Tony could really react to that – or anything – Steve stood up, hefting Tony up. Suzie let out a deep, basso growl, but Steve put a single hand on top of her head. “Easy, girl,” he murmured. “Play with Bucky a bit, yeah? Hey, Buck, I’m gonna take a nap.”

“’Bout damned time,” James grunted, and Tony craned his neck to see James leaning against the fridge. Past him, all the other Avengers were lined up, watching the two of them as if they were a stadium sport.

Before Tony could react indignantly, Steve hefted Tony higher, moving him into pretty much a bridal-style carry, and he carried Tony out of the kitchen, past a whistling Clint, a chuckling Bruce, and an amused Natasha.

“You – we’re going to nap?” Tony asked, starting to shift in Steve’s grip before realizing he didn’t really want to move and so settled back down.

Steve smiled warmly down at him. “We’re going to nap, together. You look tired, I know I’m tired, and we can take the day. Did you have anything you needed to do today?”

Slowly, Tony shook his head in the negative. “No, I – I’m really ahead. I’m not – I got a lot of shit done, but there wasn’t anything else to do. You weren’t around.”

“I’m sorry. I should have realized there was more to it than just you talking to talk,” Steve murmured, pushing open the door to Tony’s rooms. “Suzie didn’t take well to everyone.”

“She did need you,” Tony allowed, figuring he could be magnanimous in his current victory. “I just, I need you too.”

Steve laid Tony on the bed and, after toeing off his sneakers, climbed on top of the covers with Tony, moving his mouth over Tony’s forehead, then cheekbone, then the corner of Tony’s mouth. “I know. I need you too.”

Tony snuggled down, nuzzling into Steve’s sweaty chest. “I love you, you know.”

“I know,” Steve rumbled, an arm thrown over Tony’s waist, tugging the smaller male closer. “I love you too.”


End file.
